9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
