She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
