I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
