I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Damn victory sex feels great
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
