just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
