I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
