It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
