Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
And then he peed in my hair
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