I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
