you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
