We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
