please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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