we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
