Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
