Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
