You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
