What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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