Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
