i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
