put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
