just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
