I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
