She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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