Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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