Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
