literally had 100 drinks last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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