Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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