I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
