WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
