he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
