What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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