she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
