so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm eating all of the evidence.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize