Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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