she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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