i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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