RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
