I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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