The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
