You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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