SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
