she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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