do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
