The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why do cheetos always look like penises
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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