Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
