So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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