Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
