Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
