tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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