she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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