ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
