My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
