the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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