Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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