we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
