A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
