she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
