The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
