apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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