Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
