i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The adults are the big ones right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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