What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
false alarm, still single
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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