make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize