I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
