i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
