it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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