I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
