reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
