I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
