I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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