All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
