god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
