Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
