i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You ruined the universe
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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