I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You made out with two different species that night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
