I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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