Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My room smells like vodka and shame
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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