it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
