Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
