when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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