I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize