I'd wear matching sweaters with you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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