even my farts smell like vagina
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
