do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
