I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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