so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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