There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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