I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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