It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
