I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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