Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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