My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
