my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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