when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
