If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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