glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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