When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
