Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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