Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
