tell your sister to shave her snatch
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
