Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
