She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
