So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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