whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
