Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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