I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
